It won't hurt if you go away, right? (Rent-A-Girlfriend Ch. 219)

After last week’s shocker, we got a well-deserved breather chapter before a “shocking development” has been promised for next week. Even so, there’s a lot to mine about this chapter, including Mami letting Chizuru off the hook, Chizuru practically sleepwalking through this chapter, and Kazuya once again bending over backwards to let Chizuru go as painlessly as possible for her. Let’s take a closer look.

Chizuru is not ready for this

As we look upon Chizuru approaching Kazuya this chapter, it’s important to keep in mind that Chizuru is not ready to be in a real relationship with Kazuya. This is a bit of inference, but it’s not a huge stretch.

• When Kazuya confesses to her, Chizuru says to herself she needs to do something (174)
• She seems to test the waters at Umi’s party, giving Kazuya a pretty clear sign that she’s interested (179) when she echoes back one of the most romantic things he’s ever said to her
• And yet, Ruka’s bluff makes her cold again
• And she avoids Kazuya’s attempts to push the relationship forward, deliberately and knowingly
• And, in general, Chizuru seems to not “do” anything other than test the waters

The overall picture is that Chizuru is not ready to give her answer; she’s still on the fence, would still like to move things slowly at most, and may even prefer the comfort of the rental relationship over a real one–not because of money (that’s absurd) but because it carries a certain security and safety. She can more easily tell herself she can’t be hurt by a rental relationship. That’s how she can protect her fragile heart, which has been cracked and dented over the years due to the loss of her family.

Kazuya’s attempts to confess to her posed a threat. Mami’s insistence on telling Nagomi the truth posed a threat. Now, Kazuya’s plan to tell Nagomi it’s over also poses a threat, and Chizuru doesn’t know how she’s going to weasel out of this one. Look at her!

She's so tired.

Chizuru doesn’t seem surprised Kazuya is going to end it. Far from it, this is expected. This is about as sad as Chizuru will allow herself to be in public, in front of other people, save for weeping in front of Kazuya in 164. Kazuya is the one who thinks he was rejected, but now it’s Chizuru’s turn to look heartbroken.

And she's framed as totally alone.

What not to say to a girl with attachment issues

To add to this, Kazuya gives no indication he will reconsider. Out of love for Chizuru, he rushes to be considerate of her feelings. In particular,

1. He tells her she can forget about what happened at the chapel, as if it never happened (so she doesn’t have to worry about hurting his feelings or responding more to it),
2. He’s already thought through the logistics of ending their relationship (so she doesn’t have to worry about him holding up his obligations), and
3. He says he will tell Grandma that it’s over when they get back to Tokyo, so that all of this ends without causing a scene on the vacation

That’s all well and good, but these are precisely the wrong things to say to someone like Chizuru, who has lost everything and everyone she’s held dear in her life and whose hesitation to be with Kazuya as his real girlfriend almost certainly stems from that fear. In particular,

1. He tells her she can forget about what happened at the chapel, which means it has been withdrawn and the chance has been missed.
2. He’s already thought through the end of their relationship, which means he’s moving on rapidly. He doesn’t even seem to be hurt that she rejected him!
3. He says he will tell Grandma that it’s over, not that it was all a sham! That means that even if they somehow got together, the past lie will still be hanging over them, and Mami still retains leverage!

It’s no surprise that Kazuya would be overly considerate of Chizuru’s feelings. We’ve been here before:

• Ch. 45: Chizuru mentions she may quit her rental job due to getting an acting gig. Crucially, she asks him if he’s okay with it, and Kazuya completely deflects, saying that he’s asked her for too much already. Chizuru mopes about this right up until Mami shows up for their date.
• Ch. 82: Chizuru once again brings up that she might quit being a rental girlfriend for her acting, and Kazuya insists he’s happy for her. Chizuru is noticeably pensive about this.

Everything Kazuya does to try to unburden Chizuru for their impending separation is just twisting the knife into her: she shouldn’t worry, for he will exit her life and never cause trouble, never come back, and it will all be so easy.

It’s commendable of Kazuya to try to do right by Chizuru here; it’s just tragic that it’s also the wrong thing for Chizuru’s sense of security.

Is Mami really done?

Surprisingly, Mami relents. This can be perceived as Miyajima chickening out of disrupting the status quo, but I think there are at least a couple justifiable reasons for Mami to back off of pushing the truth to Nagomi here:

1. Chizuru is no longer a useful tool for this tactic. Chizuru begging Mami for a reprieve basically means Mami would have to drag Chizuru kicking and screaming to Nagomi. That carries risk that Mami might not want to take. If Chizuru isn’t going along with her plans, she needs a change in strategy.
2. Getting Chizuru to basically admit she loves Kazuya, through humiliating herself this way, is delicious in and of itself, and it’s something Mami can keep milking for her own satisfaction. Blowing things up deprives her of this.

I think (1) is the most likely explanation, though, and Mami has set things up that she can still blow things up on her own. Backing off in the short-term gets Chizuru back on her side again, and now, Chizuru is on the hook for making an excuse to Nagomi and keeping Kazuya in the dark. These are both items that could come back to burn Chizuru if Mami goes for the solo play.

Putting limits on limited perspective

If you’re having trouble figuring out what precisely Chizuru or Mami is thinking, you’re not alone. Miyajima purposefully limits just how much insight we get into anyone’s thoughts outside of Kazuya. He makes some exceptions, showing us Chizuru and Mami’s backstories, as well as giving closer insight into their thoughts at crucial moments, but in the end, we don’t know whether to take Mami’s withdrawal as genuine, and we don’t know why Chizuru has avoided Kazuya’s confession attempts. All we can do is read into their actions and try to construct interpretations. We can trace Chizuru’s hesitations to her trust issues, her fear of being attached to someone considering all the loss she’s been through, but in the end, we don’t really know how she has justified her actions to herself, nor what exactly it would take to convince her to come out of her shell. Similarly with Mami, we know she wants to see Kazuya and Chizuru burn, but we have no insight into her own personal endgame.

I want to point this out because not knowing Chizuru and Mami’s precise logic makes it harder to anticipate their involvement in the “shocking development” to come. Moreover, I think Miyajima makes his exceptions to limited perspective rather whimsically and artificially. We learned that Chizuru would keep Kazuya in the dark in order to protect his feelings for Mami, for instance. How specific! Nothing’s stopping us from Miyajima telling us why Chizuru is running from Kazuya, and yet… here we are. While it can be helpful to have insight into one character’s thoughts to ground scenes, and Chizuru has had private scenes with Mami that matter, even Chizuru’s denials are presented without insight into her true motives or feelings.

In the end, we’re 219 chapters into this manga, and it’s never been confirmed in writing that Chizuru loves Kazuya–whether through her own spoken words, inner thoughts, or even narration discussing it. We haven’t even seen her think about it. And it’s convenient for Miyajima to keep Chizuru a relative cypher; we empathize more with Kazuya as he tries to understand her and figure her out that way, but this has been Chizuru’s story for a long time (arguably since ch. 53, when Kazuya promised to support her dream). I think failing to present Chizuru’s dilemma in concrete terms makes it more difficult to sympathize with her. We are stuck trying to read her fear instead of feeling it.

The shocking development and Harumi, the wildcard

There are really only a few broad categories of options for what can happen now.

1. Chizuru tries to stop Kazuya
2. Mami fires a parting shot
3. Something very unexpected

Mami has the capability to tell Nagomi the truth and leave Chizuru in the worst position possible.

Then again, Miyajima tends to do things that are unexpected. Nobody could’ve imagined Mami would say she would try to “save” Chizuru from Kazuya way back when. I have a feeling what happens next week will be something truly out of the box.

But then, there’s Chizuru. Once again, Chizuru is under a lot of pressure. We’ve seen her withdraw from Kazuya before, so it’s not out of the realm of possibility that she will do nothing, but unlike other times in which she was able to put on a brave face for it (the cold shoulder after Ruka bluffed having slept with Kazuya, for instance), Chizuru here is unable to wear any kind of mask for Kazuya. She looks devastated, and given how emotionally she responded to him denying he slept with Ruka for sure… there is a chance she simply will not take this impending separation. She may have reached the breaking point.

And if straight up confronting Kazuya isn’t in the cards, she has one other option: to talk with his mom.

“If you find yourself wanting to escape from the pressure, I hope you'll come talk to me.” (206)

Harumi could be the sounding board Chizuru needs, the person she can talk to, outside of Kazuya, about the truth and her feelings so she can figure out how to proceed. Chizuru desperately needs a confidant to sort out her fears and emotions. It would really fit.

But, as I said, Miyajima tends to be unexpected. Maybe a new girl will throw her hat in the ring for the Kazuya Bowl? We’ll see next week.