Hello again, friends. This week, Chizuru aggressively sucked Kazuya’s face, and it was great, but did Kazuya really get the message? Chizuru makes a grand speech apologizing to his family and friends and laying out that she gradually fell in love with him, but even if that is all pretty much true, those words were for them, not for him. Chizuru still has a great deal to explain, and what’s Mami to do now that her victory has all but slipped through her fingers? Let’s take a closer look.
Let yourselves breathe, Chizuru
The kiss that takes no prisoners.
If there was any doubt last week, after Chizuru rolled up to Kazuya and planted one on his lips, there is no doubt now. This ain’t no dollar store kiss; this is a grand smackeroo! After weeks of Chizuru avoiding Kazuya, being standoffish toward him, running to the bathroom or ignoring his attempts to talk, Chizuru has finally let go. She does not merely kiss the boy; it is a desperate smooch for the ages.
We don’t get a lot to work with in terms of why Chizuru has reached this point, but we do get a hint:
Chizuru's rare perspective on her feelings for Kazuya.
Chizuru suggests that all along she has been conflicted between her professional obligation and her inner desire. Admittedly, this is a little bit less than I would have hoped for. Chizuru has great reasons to fear commitment or be avoidant of attachment. To boil it down to something so simple as a conflict between her responsibility and her desire would be a bit of a letdown, but this is a public place, and it would make sense if Chizuru has simplified her story for this particular moment.
And, even with this excuse, there are still questions: why not accept his feelings? Surely she can’t be so attached to her job; she’s already said she would probably quit if she found a boyfriend (179). If we take Chizuru’s explanation to its logical end, then her thinking probably is along the lines of Kazuya is a client, and this situation and these feelings are inappropriate. She should reestablish boundaries (or really, end it), but she can’t bring herself to do so. That is to say, Chizuru felt like accepting his feelings would be doing something wrong, and perhaps even that she put him in a position where of course he would fall in love with her, so his feelings shouldn’t be trusted so easily. Perhaps the best example of this conflict would be Chizuru’s attitude toward the vacation offer back in 186: she initially tells Kazuya to refuse, and even tries to stop Nagomi from leaving, but when push comes to shove, she thinks of Ruka moving in on Kazuya and can’t go through with doing the “right” thing. Even then she still tries to convince herself it would be okay if Kazuya and Ruka were together.
To be sure, this is still a big step. Chizuru has given up her walls, given up her ambiguity, and even given up her real name and identity to protect Kazuya from his family’s ire, and the look on her face says she’s given up keeping a distance from him in her heart, too. There may be other obstacles, but Chizuru’s conflicted feelings aren’t stopping her anymore.
Nevertheless, I fully expect there to be more to the story. After all, you can’t take everything Chizuru says here at face value. That’s because…
The speech was for Kazuya’s family and friends; the kiss was for Kazuya
Take a close look at what Chizuru is saying. There is always some uncertainty in translation, but Chizuru directly addresses that nothing has changed and she genuinely is his girlfriend now. These statements obviously don’t mean anything to Kazuya; he can’t agree to her being his girlfriend in this situation, and they still have a lot to work out between them. They are meant to defend Kazuya from the judgment of Nagomi, Kazuo, and Kibe.
That leaves a slight possibility that it’s still a lie. Could Chizuru have laid such a kiss on Kazuya and intended to work out a different final arrangement later? It is theoretically possible, but again, look at the magnitude of this kiss. To me, this says she’s finally let her hangups go. That kiss was no act, and I suspect she wanted Kazuya to know that.
Miyajima does it again: the pullback sequence
Chizuru at her most sincere.
The kiss sequence itself is a surprise, with reaction shots and multiple angles, but I want to talk about the 3-page pullback sequence. This immediately reminds of Chizuru’s breakdown in 164, that 6-page sequence of Chizuru gradually losing composure. It really is almost like seeing the scene animated right in front of us. Sometimes Miyajima wastes his page count on overwrought monologues, but sometimes he gives us some real art. Notice the increased detail on her lips, too–something that only features when a kiss is in the conversation.
Mami in shambles
So this is how it feels when your carefully laid plans get blown up at the last moment.
With Chizuru’s actions here, Mami has seen her plan go completely sideways. Dropping the phone was always a desperate ploy to begin with; she gave up the satisfaction of having Chizuru blow up the whole thing just to have it blown up somehow, but she always must have recognized a risk that Chizuru would stick with Kazuya rather than abandon him. Chizuru’s act of love here–bailing Kazuya out and accepting his feelings–runs completely counter to her worldview. It’s what her boyfriend in school failed to do when the chips were down. I expect a truly epic meltdown from Mami, in which her role in this whole affair comes out, fairly soon.
Where do we go from here?
Chizuru and Kazuya still have a lot to talk about. Kazuya must have questions about why Chizuru rebuffed his attempts to confess and avoided him. Chizuru needs to answer for those, and they still have to figure out if they’re really going to be in a relationship going forward. Chizuru still hasn’t said she loves him in words, either. They should get a chapter or two just to figure all this stuff out, but hey, we’re in exciting new territory here. Surely Miyajima can’t find a way to take some grand confession and walk it back, right?
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