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Cashing in these feelings (Rent-A-Girlfriend Chs. 236-237)

Why a paid date?

This, I think, is the most intriguing question about Chizuru’s choice of action in reaching out to Kazuya at long last. What purpose does it serve?

The simple answer is that this is the ground she’s most comfortable on. Chizuru is uncertain about her feelings, and she may be seeking the safety and security of their paid relationship to sort this out, but taking a paid date is a serious choice. Accepting Kazuya’s money, at this point, is borderline unethical. The conflict between them is personal; it’s way over the line, and it shouldn’t continue in that way, as it can easily be construed as manipulating him and his feelings for monetary gain. More than that, they have something they desperately should discuss, and to ignore his attempts to talk about it personally, when the main issue at hand is an action of her doing, is simply wrong.

So, with that in mind, I reject the idea that Chizuru is using the date merely as a comfortable space to work out her feelings… unless she refuses or heavily discounts this outing (yes, I’d consider a heavy discount acceptable, as there is at least some connection to their professional relationship at stake). There ought to be more to it than that.

To figure that out, let’s take a look at… Kazuya’s hand.

Chizuru once was able to take his hand without reservation. (Ch. 237 vs 159)

Things have changed, and Chizuru can’t pretend they haven’t. Her feelings may not have a name, but they are clear about one thing: things can’t go back to the way they were. This is not merely a comfortable space or state of mind for Chizuru: this is a test to work out if she can really stand the thought of going back to being just his rental girlfriend. And the answer is no, she can’t do it. Not unreservedly. Not now. Something has to give.

What kinds of feelings don’t have a name?

I’d also like to talk a little bit about this line from Chizuru a little while back. Let’s assume she really does mean it sincerely. Why can’t she recognize it as love?

The simple answer is fear, and we’ve been over her fear of attachment and many times, but there’s an interesting duality here Chizuru the girlfriend and Chizuru proper. Chizuru the girlfriend is a selfless person, acting out the needs of her partner. The real Chizuru is full of tension between holding herself in and letting her anxieties out. Chizuru the girlfriend goes on fun dates with her clients that are generally light and easy and with no emotional baggage or strings attached. The real Chizuru has said herself she wants someone by her side, in a profound and sentimental way.

Kazuya has said he loved her and sworn to protect her and all that, but what he has never admitted is that he truly does feel a need for her. It is possible that Chizuru has read his acts of devotion as a mirror image to her rental girlfriend act–something that looks like love but isn’t clear about the sense of need and longing behind it.

After all, from her perspective, while she has ignored his LINE message, the only thing he would do after that is attempt to hire her. She didn’t see him unkempt and his apartment a disaster area. She hasn’t seen him a mess over her. She may very well have no idea that his feelings are that serious.

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