This past week on Rent-A-Girlfriend, Chizuru brought Kazuya to her childhood home, and much of how Kazuya acted reminded her once again of her departed grandfather, Katsuhito. Kazuya’s supportive attitude and optimism (at least when it comes to anything outside himself) are traits he shares with Katsuhito, and the association between Katsuhito and Kazuya has been explicit ever since Katsuhito’s introductory arc. Moreover, it was heavily implied, retroactively at least, that Chizuru took a liking to Kazuya and cut him a lot of slack in part because his attitude toward his family is relatable to her. In other words, Chizuru felt comfortable with Kazuya (to an extent) from the start because he reminded her of Katsuhito.
Seeing Kazuya spare no effort, just like Katsuhito once did, Chizuru can’t help but remember…
Given how strongly Kazuya has paralleled Katsuhito, it’s valid to ask, then, whether Chizuru really loves anything about Kazuya at all outside of that feeling of comfort and familiarity. We’ve seen that his most impactful traits—his devotion, his willingness to support Chizuru—are shared. Moreover, Chizuru keeps herself very tightly guarded and seldom exposes what she really wants from Kazuya, leading to the impression that that sense of support, comfort, and familiarity are all she truly desires—all things that can be a form of love but that aren’t necessarily romantic in nature.
However, what we can see, in rare glimpses, is that Chizuru’s feelings are the real deal. She desires an intense closeness with Kazuya. It makes her feel like a silly, lovesick fool, and there are unique things about him that bring joy to her heart.
A long history of parallels
“Guys really are stupid.” (102)
At one of Chizuru’s lowest points, with her grandmother having taken a turn for the worse and no hope in sight for making it on screen before Sayuri’s demise, Chizuru wept over her grandfather’s photo, feeling that all hope was lost, only for Kazuya to come barging toward her apartment with an ambitious plan to make an amateur film. From that critical moment, the similarities between Kazuya and Katsuhito were a point of emphasis, as Chizuru’s narration bitingly remarks on the hope these two men have given her in life, which she can’t truly believe and yet clings to all the same.
Kazuya’s dedication to the crowdfunding project continues to remind her of Katsuhito, explicitly and otherwise. He comes to mind when they are figuring out the details in Kazuya’s apartment (107), and while away to film the final scene, the gravity of what all this means leads her to remind Kazuya about the promise she made to Katsuhito (136), to tell him that Katsuhito died in a tragic accident and how overjoyed she was that Kazuya proposed this film project. Kazuya continues to remind her of Katsuhito throughout filming of the closing scene, and one can reasonably look at the filming of the movie as Chizuru making peace with her grandfather’s death, having found a new source of hope in her life. Now, for the first time since filming the final scene, we see Katsuhito’s memory and Kazuya’s resemblance to him on her mind.
With a broader reading, the traits of Kazuya’s that Chizuru appreciated and that resonated with her, reminding her of her family and of her grandfather, go back further. Kazuya’s initial motivation, to please his family, is a pretty solid parallel of what Chizuru wants, too, and his carefree attitude about his shattered phone screen made an impression on her; it’s not hard to imagine her grandfather saying something similar if he were in the same position.
With all that in mind, it would be entirely reasonable to wonder what, if anything, Chizuru likes about Kazuya that is uniquely him, or if she really wants a romantic relationship and not just a comfortable and familiar one.
An individual desire
Chizuru is not merely attracted to Kazuya for that sense of familiarity, however. We saw her possessiveness and jealousy on display when she agreed to go to Hawaiians, not wishing to just give him up to Ruka (186). That sequence showed us just how painful it was for her to continue to look on with Ruka taking a place at Kazuya’s side. As one-dimensional as Ruka’s place is in the story, she is effective at pushing Chizuru’s feelings of jealousy that are hard to square with a purely platonic interest, as Chizuru wanted the closeness of being able to call Kazuya by name (144), without honorifics, once Ruka rubbed that in her face. She secretly wanted Kazuya to say he preferred Chizuru’s cooking to Ruka’s, even though she knew that would case him trouble. (111)
Chizuru has questioned herself, found herself acting infatuated or silly: at the hospital when Ruka was crashing the party at Kazuya’s parents (86) or after discussing the movie at Denny’s (104).
Moreover, Chizuru seems to find Kazuya’s fascination with fish at least amusing, and the strange situations he gets into, being in over his head, bring a smile to her face (143) rather than irritate her. That is more than enough, in my opinion, to say she genuinely likes him for him.
But I think, most crucially, we see the level of Chizuru’s wish to possess Kazuya through her all-or-nothing attitude about him. The idea that they could just be friends, like Sumi so effortlessly offered, has never entered the equation. Being good neighbors falls well short of that. Over and over when it looked like Kazuya might want someone else, like Mami or Ruka, Chizuru’s first instinct has been to cut herself off, to distance herself and be strong. She was going to let that happen when it looked like she would quit her job. She would’ve let that happen when she thought Ruka slept with him the first time, and the second, she distanced herself for a while until she couldn’t stand it any longer and needed to know whether it was true.
She wants him. She desires him. She needs him, and she does not want to be just some other girl in his orbit. She wants to be first. Far from leaning on Kazuya merely for comfort and security, she wants the experience of being his girlfriend for real—to always be by each other’s sides, to make him happy. She wants all of that. Chizuru has already let go of a lot of hesitation by saying she wants to consider a relationship with him seriously. Asking for time to see her feelings for what they were was like saying, “I think I do want to date you, but…,” and the but gets smaller and smaller with each passing day and new meeting.
…which means we’re probably due for Mami or Ruka to start some major drama, but you know, baby steps.
I found myself agree-ing over the well thought out and put together points you made in this post. It was pleasant read.
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to add to the point you made in this specific segment below :-
"She would’ve let that happen when she thought Ruka slept with him the first time, and the second, she distanced herself for a while until she couldn’t stand it any longer and needed to know whether it was true. "
Since the beginning of the series we have been communicated to that " doing it " is to be only proceeded only when there is a romantic/ emotional pretense involved. When modern outlooked grandma echoes these feelings.
So in this sense since the manga doesn't have the concept of fwbs or "doing it" without feelings for the other person, going that far would have meant Kazuya have agreed on being exclusive with that person. Since she isn't very emotionally mature her reaction on such realization tends to be an attempt at a complete emotional withdrawal .