I won’t say too much about the obvious tease this week, with Chizuru asking Kazuya to wait while he’s still on top of her. Much has been said by other astute observers already about the evolution of her reaction here, from the first time in chapter 2, to the second time in chapter 59, where she got cut off after asking him gently to move. Miyajima loves his repetition and parallels, and I’ve said that a lot already, too, so there’s not much more to observe with that.
Instead, I want to focus on this look.
Chizuru says, “Oh?”
That look is the dagger! This game’s over!
Kazuya, my man, this is the look that tells you you’re in. Chizuru has been coy with Kazuya only a handful of times:
- When going to meet the director, she momentarily teases him about needing to pay like a rental (117)
- She slips back into girlfriend mode to get a reaction out of him on the cheer-up date (158)
- She touches a soda can to his neck, catching him off guard after the premiere (167)
But none of those compare that look she gave him this chapter. Not even close! Chizuru teasing is one thing. She stares at Kazuya for a moment, taking in the deeply sentimental thing she said, mulling over whether to accept it, and she does. That is a look that says, “That was stupidly sweet to say, and I love you for it.”
Opening up and acceptance
As a sign of the changing relationship between these two, this was an important moment. Chizuru has opened up to Kazuya in the past about her family situation (61) and the importance of making a movie to her (136), but neither of those situations hits the same emotional note as this one. In one, Chizuru had felt lingering dissatisfaction and an urge to show gratitude, which she could only process by emphasizing how important it was… and so that her gratitude was equally strong. In another case, Kazuya had offered a gesture of care toward her, saying she could rely on him if she had no one else, and Chizuru, at least in part, may have thought that she had to make it clear just how much that would entail.
That’s not to downplay that moment, either, but here, Chizuru opens up in a more natural way, not pressured by a big moment or Kazuya’s feelings. This is her own thing to deal with, and she shows Kazuya that, despite her brave facade, this stuff really does get to her. She gets lost in the details, in how she should feel or should expect to feel, and Kazuya offers her clarity, a way to accept her feelings.
Chizuru dealing with the specter of being alone, and trying to withstand the pressure she’s put herself under, has been a major source of conflict in the manga. Even other times, she has sometimes felt dissatisfied or even rebuffed Kazuya’s support, like when she heard from the director about how Kazuya asked for his help or when Kazuya offered once again to lend an ear if she was in need after they agreed on the crowdfunding campaign–to which she only said that he had already offered that before.
Chizuru is already free with her feelings now. Certainly some drama can come along to clam her up again, but I don’t believe that such a thing will succeed in shutting her down. Since she ended the 3 month ghosting, she has been more open than ever about her feelings, and that is something she clearly wants enough not to simply give up.
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